


He

by ilovebandsvvmuch, Shadow_Phan_Da1



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, trigger warning: suicidal thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-17
Updated: 2015-04-17
Packaged: 2018-03-23 08:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,163
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3760915
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ilovebandsvvmuch/pseuds/ilovebandsvvmuch, https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shadow_Phan_Da1/pseuds/Shadow_Phan_Da1
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fluff(?) How Phil has helped Dan become better.</p>
            </blockquote>





	He

He   
He smells like warm and home and smoke   
And he’s there when I need him most   
He knows just when I’m breaking 

He shows up just in time to save me 

He smells like warm and home and smoke 

He’s there when I need him most 

He thinks that I’m beautiful 

Even when I feel like I’m unsuitable 

He looks at me like I’m everything 

Even when I feel like nothing 

And he smells like warm and home and smoke 

And he’s there when I need him most 

He knows just when I’m breaking 

He’s always there to save me 

And he smells like warm and home and smoke 

And he’s there when I need him most 

He makes me feel loved 

Even when I feel like I’m unloved 

He makes me feel like I don’t need to try 

Even when I need to cry 

And he smells like warm and home and smoke 

And he’s there when I need him most 

And he knows just when I’m breaking 

He shows up just in time to save me 

And he smells like warm and home and smoke 

And he’s there when I need him most 

When I start to run out of hope 

He shows up when I need him most 

When I’m breaking 

He knows how to save me 

I love him even in my darkest hour 

I think about him in the shower 

He makes me feel happy 

And makes me go sappy 

And he smells like warm and home and smoke 

And he’s there when I need him most 

And he know just when I’m breaking 

He shows up just in time to save me 

And he smells like warm and home and smoke 

And he’s there when I need him most

~~~

Dan Howell had always been infatuated with Phil Lester, ever since he had first stumbled across his YouTube channel. At first, he was scared because he had never felt that strongly about someone so quickly, it was all so new to him. He loved the way that he felt every time that Phil replied to him on twitter, and when he would watch a new video that Phil had uploaded. The feeling was strongest by far though, when he first met Phil. It was on the train platform, as soon as they had spotted each other, they had run into a hug like the movies always show. It was like someone had released a swarm of bees in his stomach, like someone had spun him around thirty times, like someone had decided to make him giddy for no reason. It was nice and scary at the same time, but then again, isn’t that what love is?

At first, Dan thought he was being annoying. He would laugh at all of Phil’s jokes, no matter how stupid they were. He would always want to Skype Phil, every night without fail, even though there were some days when they just couldn’t. Those were the days when Dan would feel like he had annoyed Phil too much. The days when he thought that maybe Phil was just making up excuses because he didn’t actually like Dan.

The first time that Phil realized this was when Dan had come on Skype and confessed it all to him. How he felt like he was nothing, and that everyone secretly found him annoying, but just kept him around so as not to hurt him, even Phil. Phil immediately broke down. How could anyone ever do that to Dan, do that to the boy that Phil was in love with, he just hadn’t realized it yet?

When Dan and Phil shared their first hug, Dan was so happy. He could finally feel, and touch, and smell Phil. He smelt warm, like cinnamon and cookies. He smelt like smoke, like he had just been by a fire. But most importantly, he smelt like home, like a place that Dan never wanted to leave, and for once, Dan was okay with that.

That first night, they shared a bed, but they didn’t do anything. Phil was too busy comforting Dan, and Dan was too busy apologizing for ruining the weekend. Dan had started crying right when Phil went to kiss him because he just could not believe that someone actually liked him. Phil had sensed that something was wrong just before it happened, and he had immediately started to soothe Dan, rubbing his back and whispering sweet nothings into his ear. Dan had eventually stopped, but by then he was too exhausted to want to do anything but sleep, so that’s what he did. He fell asleep in Phil’s lap, with his head buried into Phil’s chest, and his arms around his neck. There he felt safe, wrapped in Phil’s arms. He felt like nothing bad could get to him. 

Once, when Dan had been contemplating whether or not he actually deserved to live, Phil had messaged him, telling Dan just how much he liked him, just how much he wished that they could stay together forever, never leaving the house. To this day, Phil still doesn’t know that Dan had been questioning his existence, and that he helped keep him here. 

Some days Dan will turn his head and catch Phil staring at him like he’s the only thing in the world. Dan will catch him looking at him when he feels like he is absolutely the ugliest person in the world. He’ll ask something like, “Do I have something on my face,” or “Why are you looking at me like that,” and Phil will just smile even brighter and say, “Because you are the most beautiful person on the planet.” That’s all Dan needs, reassurance and comfort and love. That’s what Phil gives him, along with so much more.

Dan’s no longer scared of the feeling he gets when he’s around Phil. He knows Phil gets it too, and that all it means is love. Dan knows that he loves Phil, and that Phil loves him. Dan can still break down in tears in front of Phil, and he’ll still be there like the first night that they shared together. They still hug like it’s the first time they’ve ever seen each other, and they never want to let the other one go. Sometimes Dan has moments when he realizes that he lives with AmazingPhil, the AmazingPhil, and he’ll just think about how lucky he is, how much Phil has helped him. 

Even in Dan’s darkest moments, he knows that Phil’s right there, most likely just one or two rooms over, and that he’s going to be there whenever he needs him. Dan knows he can rely on Phil, and trust him. Dan knows that he’ll never find another Phil, but that Phil will also never find another Dan. And that’s what makes Dan the happiest, that he’ll never be able to replace Phil, and that Phil will never be able to replace him.

**Author's Note:**

> The poem was written for someone very special, and was inspired by Doddie Clark's song, She.


End file.
